Self Talk – The Healing Voices

Healthy Life Skills

Self Talk: Love or Shame?

By Teresa Pitt Green
June 21, 2021
/Tags: Blurt Foundation, Self Talk

The Blurt Foundation is one of the best resources on Mental Wellness When Living with Depression – or Anxiety. In a recent program, it produced a compelling examination of self-talk and why it matters so much to people recovering from abuse and trauma. We all have an internal dialogue...

Day of Prayer for Atonement

On April 26, the Diocese of Kansas City-St. Joseph celebrated its 5th annual Day of Prayer as an opportunity for all to share in praying for victims and survivors of childhood sexual abuse, particularly those who have been abused by someone in the Catholic Church, and for their families, friends and the entire diocesan community. Mass was celebrated by Bishop James Johnston (program below) and a Stations of the Cross was prayed in atonement for the sins of abuse (video). On its webpage and invitation, Catholics were invited to offer various prayers and sacrifices at home, in private too, so that people would come together in spirit across the area. We appreciate this dedicated day and willingness to invite all Catholics into the process of healing and renewal. Maybe your diocese, if it is still finding a way to integrate this process into its calendar, can use this model. Program: Annual Diocesan Day of Prayer in AtonementDownload
Novena for Guidance

During April 2021, the Archdiocese of Chicago offered a nine-day novena as a journey of prayer to St. Catherine of Siena’s feast day. Each day of the novena was hosted by Catholic Communities Around Vicariate II of the Archdiocese. It was the second novena by Catholic laity to unite the faithful in prayer for guidance of the Holy Spirit in healing and atonement for the clergy sex abuse crisis. You’ll find their flyer and program below. St Catherine_of Siena Novena FlyerDownload Novena ProgramDownload
Northern Alaska

The Diocese of Fairbanks in northern Alaska includes many Catholics from different Native American tribes, who suffered the the scourge of child sexual abuse following generations of suppression by the government. Without minimizing the grief born by the indigenous, the faith among the people in this diocese is resilient, strong, and inspiring. This year their bishop, Bishop Chad Zielinski, offered a Mass of Hope and Healing with a special focus on this broader experience. The altar was resplendent with Easter flowers still – despite the bitter cold and snowstorms that week – and special pins and information packets were made available, along with access to the Victim Assistance Coordinator and the Child Protection Officer. Attendees were given pinwheels to take home for their own gardens, too. Photos courtesy of Alicia Menard, Victim Assistance Coordinator, Fairbanks
St. John Neumann Action

St. John Neumann Catholic Community, which is staffed by the Oblates of St. Francis de Sales, in the diocese of Arlington has an Action Committee of parishioners who, after 2018 with its revelations about then-Cardinal McCarrick and the PA Attorney General Report, organized to offer care to survivors and to get involved in supporting further change in the Church. To their credit, they spent much time gathering information and in discernment together, and that included inviting groups (e.g., Spirit Fire) to speak. They host a powerful webpage of support for victims on their parish website, and most recently closed National Child Abuse Awareness month with a virtual Taize prayer service one evening.
Villanova Lay Conference

Villanova University hosted “Church Today: Responding to the Sexual abuse Crisis in the Catholic Church,” a conference in March 2021 that covered the complexity of factors in the abuse scandals relying on a remarkable lineup of experts from Pennsylvania.
A Great VAC

The Catholic Project of the Catholic University of America has published an interview with the Survivor Minister at the Archdiocese of Chicago who, in fact, kicked off The Healing Voices Magazine by introducing a group of clergy-abuse survivors in 2014. Some went on to create and edit this magazine over the past five years. We encourage people to get to know one of our favorite Super VACs, Thomas Tharayil. “Growing up in an Indian family steeped in Catholicism and being educated in only Catholic schools, I have always thought it ironic that I began my career and met my wife in a Jewish agency. But my storyline has always involved a rich mix of cultures…. <Read More Here.> For more about Tom’s work, here’s a link to the Archdiocese of Chicago’s Office of Assistance Ministry of which he is Director.
Mayra’s Honor

Mayra E. Flores, the Safe Environment Coordinator for the Archdiocese of Chicago, had some inspiring words for Catholics, in particular diocesan ministries, considering whether and how to offer healing prayer services locally for survivors, their families, parishes, and the Church. Maya participated in the Archdiocese’s prayer service, which was offered last week virtually. The service was in lieu of the Annual Mass for Hope and Healing, now in its ninth year. Along with Mayra and others with the archdiocese, many survivors from many parts of the country shared a role, too, some from as far as Australia. Mayra explained: I have been graced by so many people in this Ministry who have shared their stories with me, and in the process, strengthened my commitment to hopefully help in whatever way I can towards individual healing and healing of the Church. I am always grateful for, and honored by, the invitation to participate which is extended each year Tom Tharayil and Mike Hoffman. I get such a sense of gratitude and feel humble to be included. The virtual prayer service is available online now here. You’ll find poignant and inspiring prayer poem’s from Sooz Elizabeth and friends in Australia, as well as a powerful introduction by Mike Hoffman, reflection by Deacon Glenn Vaneck, and a wee video of yours truly from the banks of the Potomac–survivors all. NOTE: To identify some of those mentioned above: Sooz Elizabeth, Spirit Fire survivor, is a Founder of The Healing Voices and a writer of prayer poems who advocates for trauma-informed pastoral care. Tom is Thomas P. Tharayil, LCSW, BCD, Director, Office of Assistance Ministry, who is a great friend to survivors in Chicago and elsewhere and a great friend of Spirit Fire. Mike Hoffman, Spirit Fire survivor, is a Founder of The Healing Voices, Chair of the Mass for Hope and Healing Committee as well as the Healing Garden Committee. Mike speaks and is a leading advocate for child-abuse prevention. He has written many articles publishing in The Healing Voices on the ways the Mass for Hope and Healing and related pinwheel/prayer events have been offered over the past decade.
Virtual Support Groups

Excerpted from Amid Pandemic, Clergy-Abuse Support Groups Go Virtual, by Barb Umberger in The Catholic Spirit (catholicspirit.com), the diocesan newspaper of the Archdiocese of Minneapolis – St. Paul. “Since starting in June 2019 as the archdiocese’s outreach coordinator for restorative justice and abuse prevention, Paula Kaempffer has developed a list of healing events, presentations on restorative justice, listening sessions and other opportunities available through the Office of Ministerial Standards and Safe Environment. “And last September, she started an in-person support group to help victim-survivors of sexual abuse. It met monthly for about 90 minutes in a Twin Cities-area local library. In-person attendance had been sparse, Kaempffer said, but those who participated valued…. <Read More Here.>
Compassion for PTSD

@DennisSadowsky of @CNS has profiled survivors of clergy abuse and those in related pastoral ministries to understand what PTSD is and how it works. #SpiritFire #PTSD #Tucson
Candles of Atonement

In 2020, the bishops of Ireland blessed and dedicated candles of atonement for use in cathedrals and parishes throughout Ireland, starting on Ash Wednesday and burned thereafter during the celebration of Mass and other liturgies the following year. These candles were visible signs of the annual Day of Prayer for Victims and Survivors of Abuse, which was begun by Pope Francis and was first marked in Irish dioceses and parishes in 2017. Archbishop Eamon Martin said, “In lighting these candles we will bring to mind our brothers and sisters, and their families, who have been left with a lifelong suffering as a result of abuse, whose trust was so deeply betrayed and whose faith has been so cruelly tested within the sanctity of the Church by perpetrators of abuse…. “The ‘Candle of Atonement’ and accompanying prayer <see below> are offered as a reminder to all of the need for us to atone, to ask forgiveness as a Church for the suffering caused by abuse. My hope is that these candles will be lit in Cathedrals and parishes across the country as a reminder of the need for atonement and that they will symbolize repentance, light in the darkness and hope.” Does your diocese offer candles of atonement, to connect parishes in prayer for victims, their families, for those who failed us, and for the whole Church? Do you understand how the whole Church suffers with victims and their families — and bears some of the burden for the failure to protect children?
Pinwheels Prayer Service

Mike Hoffman sent me a wonderful email this week. Actually, it’s an email for every single one of our readers. We both hope you’ll spare time for a brief prayer service for healing and hope for all victims of abuse and for all our families and for the whole Church. Hi Teresa, With all the disruption and difficulty from COVID, I thought Chicago’s Annual Prayer Service would be lost this year. In fact, Mayra Flores and Mary Jane Doerr kept this issue at the forefront, and they assembled a team to pull this off. I ask you to view this two or three times for all the riches. Here is the link. I shed tears of joy and gratitude for this prayer service. It is beautiful, heartfelt, inclusive, joyous and consistent with our Catholic traditions. This prayer service is a success story of collaboration with abuse survivor, priests, the Office for Catholic Schools, administrators and leadership. Would you be so kind to share this link on Healing Voices? And, I’ll join Mike in speaking the last line of his email to you: Also, would you pass this along personally to anyone who you feel might be interested? I appreciate your support. Make your own pinwheel with these directions. Make your own pinwheel with these directions.Download Download and color in a pinwheel for fun, here.Download
The Knights of Columbus

The Knights of Columbus have made it their mission to protect all minors and vulnerable adults. They provide a model for other Catholic organizations. Two child protection programs lead the market: Virtus and Praesidium. These two providers meet the demand of the largest portion of child-protection training for the United States Catholic Church. Praesidium was chosen as the partner for advancing a rigorous child-protection program by the Knights in 2015. The Safe Environment Program, which was created in this partnership, takes a research-based and intentional approach to preventing instances of sexual abuse perpetrated against children or vulnerable persons. It encompasses sexual and all other kinds of abuse, as well as neglect. It is fluent in potential risk factors, in identifying and responding to them, in appropriate interventions, and in using a range of safeguard practices which ensure children are well protected in all settings. Training begins with a review of specific procedural safeguards, which are already in place, and includes walk-throughs for proper child-adult interactions for reporting suspected and known abuse. With twenty years of a unique central role in the advance of child protection in the Church. The program also includes a safety concern hotline, guidebook for quick-reference, safe use of computers, the internet, and social media. There are background screenings for all volunteers. The Knights ensure the information is broadly known and implemented. All Youth Program Service Personnel, as well as Grand Knights, Squire Service Personnel, State Youth Directors and Diocesan Coordinators, are required to participate in the training and to follow the procedures. To volunteer or lead any youth-related activity within the Knights, a person must complete training within 30 days—and be recertified every two years. With established procedures and in-depth training to build on, the Knights go granular for implementation. Prior to youth events, the Director and Grand Knight holds a meeting with volunteers to review pertinent details of the event, to review the Safe Environment Program, and to discuss how it pertains to the activity at hand, thus ensuring all procedures and protocol are followed during each event. Training begins with a review of specific procedural safeguards, which are already in place, and include walk-throughs for proper child-adult interactions for reporting suspected and known abuse. With twenty years of a unique central role in the advance of child protection in the Church. The program also includes a safety concern hotline, guidebook for quick-reference, safe use of computers, the internet, and social media. There are background screenings for all volunteers. Mike Hoffman is the founder and editor of this “Seeds of Hope” column, which spotlights success stories from the United States Catholic Church as inspiration and practical ideas for everyone working to promote child safety and pastoral care for survivors of abuse and their families. To nominate a program or event to be featured, send information here. To submit an essay for this column, visit our submission page to find out how easy it is to publish with us.

Arts & Letters

Abuse and faith, and the effect of faith on wounds of abuse, have been covered in literature and the arts for millennia – as long as humans have been turning to creativity to express a story or a reality in a way that is very close to our Creator, if not the era or society in which they lived.

Child Safety

Protecting children, teens, and vulnerable adults from abuse and its lifelong aftermath is a priority of survivors everywhere. There are programs that work. There are realities it’s important to understand. There are resources.

Church

Reforms, policy and process changes, and implementation to the institutional Church present important insights into what is working, what is not working well, and what remains to be done.

Faith

Christian life and the Catholic faith offer Scripture, history, saints, rituals, traditions that are sometimes healing for those wounded by abuse, even those wounded by abuse within the Church.

Families

Families, also known as the domestic Church, can offer solace and protection for their members by learning ways to develop, discuss, and practice safety plans without creating fearful children or teens. Families also offer an important model for the family of the Church to heal.

Friendship

Friendship in Christ lies at the core of the healing process for individuals, families, parishes, and groups of all kinds. Willing the best for another, willingness to decline from enabling another, are two ways friendship offers rich ground for recovering – person to person, heart to heart.

History

Studying history is the way to ensure history does not repeat itself by resisting silence about abuse in the Church or in society. Studying movements to combat abuse, how they succeeded or failed, offers lessons in recovery as individuals and a community.

Holidays

Holidays can be tough, but they can also be points of new life with new and safe traditions. The choice is available to each person, but the work is arduous. Learning from what others do makes things easier.

Human Trafficking

Protecting children, teens, and vulnerable adults requires greater awareness about the growing and relatively new perils online and in other recruitment schemes to traffic minors, disabled or otherwise vulnerable adults.

Leadership

Leadership required to reform and heal a global Church which includes persons from almost every known culture in all corners of the globe involves wisdom, experience, skills, and vision. Each Church leader is a theologically trained chief executive officer, change agent, and pastoral father.

Healthy Life Skills

Rebuilding a well life is the ultimate role of recovery. Cultivating and maintaining physical, emotional, psychological, financial, and other kinds of personal health and wellbeing require skills. Each survivor adds new life skills as he or she progresses.

Medical Care

The neurophysiological impact of abuse or trauma often continues through life, explaining many symptoms and offering ideas for improved physical and psychological health. Providers are also starting

Mental Health

Mental health care is crucial for recovering, but not all mental health care is the same. We review options, trauma-informed programs, and continuously new understanding of how best to care for abuse survivors.

Nature

Nature can be a second sanctuary for those who have suffered in connection with the setting of faith or family: Nature walks. Natural beauty. Insights gleaned from the Design at work in nature.

Parishes

Parishes need resources and also have stories to tell about a collective wound. They also are the life blood of the Church that needs healing. What matters is how they welcome the wounded.

Pastoral Care

The need to provide pastoral care is the first Article in The Charter for the Protection of Children and Young People. As understanding grows, the need for pastoral care (and formation) for the sake of all survivors, wounded families and parishes grows.

Pets

How pets and all living things can ground each person’s recovery is established by extensive research and personal anecdotes.

Profiles

In stories we offer images of suffering, faith, and healing. Survivors start to heal others even as their own recovery is still beginning – by living out healing in a wounded world. Further still, some move into a formalized way to serve the healing of others.

Recovery

There are many programs for recovery, such as retreats, workshops, approaches in therapy, alternative therapies, self-help and 12 Step programs worth considering for possible benefits for survivors and their family members.

Restorative Justice

Spirit Fire, the publisher of this magazine, ascribes to a restorative justice approach in promoting healing in the Church, where all who are involved have a voice and a role in recovery.

Round Table

Survivors sometimes sit around a metaphorical table and weigh-in on a particular topic or event. Others with similar backgrounds can do the same too.

Seeds of Hope

The Seeds of Hope is a special column of The Healing Voices that features stories about what healing and reconciliation from clergy abuse of children looks like in our Church. With God’s grace, heartfelt healing is not only possible, it is happening each and every day. Edited by Michael D. Hoffman.

Spirituality

Those hurt by people in the Church often recoil from reminders associated with the faith wound, turning to a more diffuse and less cutting spirituality and often finding, with time, many spiritual traditions within and beyond the Church follow similar paths.

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Self Talk: Love or Shame?

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Tag: Self Talk

Self Talk: Love or Shame?

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The Spirit Fire Global Conference on Abuse and Faith

Communities in Prayer

Contact Us

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