Crazy Love – The Healing Voices

Domestic Violence

By Teresa Pitt Green
October 25, 2020
/Tags: Crazy Love, Domestic Violence, Leslie Morgan Steiner, TED talks

Why do you keep going back? Survivors of child abuse often find themselves in dangerous adult lives, including addictions, sexual acting out – and most often domestic violence. To heal we begin healing the “today.” To help us heal, sometimes others have to face the first shock: we’ve been...

A Great VAC

The Catholic Project of the Catholic University of America has published an interview with the Survivor Minister at the Archdiocese of Chicago who, in fact, kicked off The Healing Voices Magazine by introducing a group of clergy-abuse survivors in 2014. Some went on to create and edit this magazine over the past five years. We encourage people to get to know one of our favorite Super VACs, Thomas Tharayil. “Growing up in an Indian family steeped in Catholicism and being educated in only Catholic schools, I have always thought it ironic that I began my career and met my wife in a Jewish agency. But my storyline has always involved a rich mix of cultures…. <Read More Here.> For more about Tom’s work, here’s a link to the Archdiocese of Chicago’s Office of Assistance Ministry of which he is Director.
Mayra’s Honor

Mayra E. Flores, the Safe Environment Coordinator for the Archdiocese of Chicago, had some inspiring words for Catholics, in particular diocesan ministries, considering whether and how to offer healing prayer services locally for survivors, their families, parishes, and the Church. Maya participated in the Archdiocese’s prayer service, which was offered last week virtually. The service was in lieu of the Annual Mass for Hope and Healing, now in its ninth year. Along with Mayra and others with the archdiocese, many survivors from many parts of the country shared a role, too, some from as far as Australia. Mayra explained: I have been graced by so many people in this Ministry who have shared their stories with me, and in the process, strengthened my commitment to hopefully help in whatever way I can towards individual healing and healing of the Church. I am always grateful for, and honored by, the invitation to participate which is extended each year Tom Tharayil and Mike Hoffman. I get such a sense of gratitude and feel humble to be included. The virtual prayer service is available online now here. You’ll find poignant and inspiring prayer poem’s from Sooz Elizabeth and friends in Australia, as well as a powerful introduction by Mike Hoffman, reflection by Deacon Glenn Vaneck, and a wee video of yours truly from the banks of the Potomac–survivors all. NOTE: To identify some of those mentioned above: Sooz Elizabeth, Spirit Fire survivor, is a Founder of The Healing Voices and a writer of prayer poems who advocates for trauma-informed pastoral care. Tom is Thomas P. Tharayil, LCSW, BCD, Director, Office of Assistance Ministry, who is a great friend to survivors in Chicago and elsewhere and a great friend of Spirit Fire. Mike Hoffman, Spirit Fire survivor, is a Founder of The Healing Voices, Chair of the Mass for Hope and Healing Committee as well as the Healing Garden Committee. Mike speaks and is a leading advocate for child-abuse prevention. He has written many articles publishing in The Healing Voices on the ways the Mass for Hope and Healing and related pinwheel/prayer events have been offered over the past decade.
Virtual Support Groups

Excerpted from Amid Pandemic, Clergy-Abuse Support Groups Go Virtual, by Barb Umberger in The Catholic Spirit (catholicspirit.com), the diocesan newspaper of the Archdiocese of Minneapolis – St. Paul. “Since starting in June 2019 as the archdiocese’s outreach coordinator for restorative justice and abuse prevention, Paula Kaempffer has developed a list of healing events, presentations on restorative justice, listening sessions and other opportunities available through the Office of Ministerial Standards and Safe Environment. “And last September, she started an in-person support group to help victim-survivors of sexual abuse. It met monthly for about 90 minutes in a Twin Cities-area local library. In-person attendance had been sparse, Kaempffer said, but those who participated valued…. <Read More Here.>
Compassion for PTSD

@DennisSadowsky of @CNS has profiled survivors of clergy abuse and those in related pastoral ministries to understand what PTSD is and how it works. #SpiritFire #PTSD #Tucson
Candles of Atonement

In 2020, the bishops of Ireland blessed and dedicated candles of atonement for use in cathedrals and parishes throughout Ireland, starting on Ash Wednesday and burned thereafter during the celebration of Mass and other liturgies the following year. These candles were visible signs of the annual Day of Prayer for Victims and Survivors of Abuse, which was begun by Pope Francis and was first marked in Irish dioceses and parishes in 2017. Archbishop Eamon Martin said, “In lighting these candles we will bring to mind our brothers and sisters, and their families, who have been left with a lifelong suffering as a result of abuse, whose trust was so deeply betrayed and whose faith has been so cruelly tested within the sanctity of the Church by perpetrators of abuse…. “The ‘Candle of Atonement’ and accompanying prayer <see below> are offered as a reminder to all of the need for us to atone, to ask forgiveness as a Church for the suffering caused by abuse. My hope is that these candles will be lit in Cathedrals and parishes across the country as a reminder of the need for atonement and that they will symbolize repentance, light in the darkness and hope.” Does your diocese offer candles of atonement, to connect parishes in prayer for victims, their families, for those who failed us, and for the whole Church? Do you understand how the whole Church suffers with victims and their families — and bears some of the burden for the failure to protect children?
Pinwheels Prayer Service

Mike Hoffman sent me a wonderful email this week. Actually, it’s an email for every single one of our readers. We both hope you’ll spare time for a brief prayer service for healing and hope for all victims of abuse and for all our families and for the whole Church. Hi Teresa, With all the disruption and difficulty from COVID, I thought Chicago’s Annual Prayer Service would be lost this year. In fact, Mayra Flores and Mary Jane Doerr kept this issue at the forefront, and they assembled a team to pull this off. I ask you to view this two or three times for all the riches. Here is the link. I shed tears of joy and gratitude for this prayer service. It is beautiful, heartfelt, inclusive, joyous and consistent with our Catholic traditions. This prayer service is a success story of collaboration with abuse survivor, priests, the Office for Catholic Schools, administrators and leadership. Would you be so kind to share this link on Healing Voices? And, I’ll join Mike in speaking the last line of his email to you: Also, would you pass this along personally to anyone who you feel might be interested? I appreciate your support. Make your own pinwheel with these directions. Make your own pinwheel with these directions.Download Download and color in a pinwheel for fun, here.Download
The Knights of Columbus

The Knights of Columbus have made it their mission to protect all minors and vulnerable adults. They provide a model for other Catholic organizations. Two child protection programs lead the market: Virtus and Praesidium. These two providers meet the demand of the largest portion of child-protection training for the United States Catholic Church. Praesidium was chosen as the partner for advancing a rigorous child-protection program by the Knights in 2015. The Safe Environment Program, which was created in this partnership, takes a research-based and intentional approach to preventing instances of sexual abuse perpetrated against children or vulnerable persons. It encompasses sexual and all other kinds of abuse, as well as neglect. It is fluent in potential risk factors, in identifying and responding to them, in appropriate interventions, and in using a range of safeguard practices which ensure children are well protected in all settings. Training begins with a review of specific procedural safeguards, which are already in place, and includes walk-throughs for proper child-adult interactions for reporting suspected and known abuse. With twenty years of a unique central role in the advance of child protection in the Church. The program also includes a safety concern hotline, guidebook for quick-reference, safe use of computers, the internet, and social media. There are background screenings for all volunteers. The Knights ensure the information is broadly known and implemented. All Youth Program Service Personnel, as well as Grand Knights, Squire Service Personnel, State Youth Directors and Diocesan Coordinators, are required to participate in the training and to follow the procedures. To volunteer or lead any youth-related activity within the Knights, a person must complete training within 30 days—and be recertified every two years. With established procedures and in-depth training to build on, the Knights go granular for implementation. Prior to youth events, the Director and Grand Knight holds a meeting with volunteers to review pertinent details of the event, to review the Safe Environment Program, and to discuss how it pertains to the activity at hand, thus ensuring all procedures and protocol are followed during each event. Training begins with a review of specific procedural safeguards, which are already in place, and include walk-throughs for proper child-adult interactions for reporting suspected and known abuse. With twenty years of a unique central role in the advance of child protection in the Church. The program also includes a safety concern hotline, guidebook for quick-reference, safe use of computers, the internet, and social media. There are background screenings for all volunteers. Mike Hoffman is the founder and editor of this “Seeds of Hope” column, which spotlights success stories from the United States Catholic Church as inspiration and practical ideas for everyone working to promote child safety and pastoral care for survivors of abuse and their families. To nominate a program or event to be featured, send information here. To submit an essay for this column, visit our submission page to find out how easy it is to publish with us.
Novena

The Archdiocese of Los Angeles is offering a novena for healing among clergy-abuse survivors, starting April 18, 2020. Its invitation was posted online, and has a webpage that will feature each day’s prayer at a different site in the archdiocese. Please consider joining and offering something similar in your diocese, too. For more info click here.
Bank Supports Safeguarding

Signature Bank Supports Pinwheels for Child Abuse Prevention and Many Other Charities Through Jeans Day Fundraiser Once a month, Signature Bank selects a charity to support that is near and dear to the hearts of its customers or employees. Each employee who contributes to the selected charity can wear jeans to work that day. Signature Bank also matches their contributions dollar for dollar with 100% of our contributions going directly towards the charity. Over the past two years, Signature Bank has raised more than $20,000 for nearly thirty charities through the Jeans Day fundraiser. In addition to supporting Pinwheels for Prevention, Signature Bank has also supported Misericordia, the Ronald McDonald House, Special Olympics, ALS Foundation, Folds of Honor, Crohn’s & Colitis Foundation, and many more. One of the founding principles of Signature Bank is the importance of giving back to our community and for employees and customers to feel a part of that. This year, Signature Bank is proud to support the 30th Anniversary for Pinwheels Child Abuse Prevention coming up in April. The bank will be providing employees with pinwheels to display throughout our office. Signature is a Chicago based bank and committed to helping local businesses and our community grow and thrive. For more information, visit www.signaturebank.bank.
THE BOSTON MODEL

In reporting success in pastoral care on local levels, many dioceses have gained experience in best practices, and can offer lessons learned, in distinct areas, such as prayer services, Mass, discussion groups. And, some dioceses offer models, which represent established and ongoing programs in survivor care and connections. One such model is the Archdiocese of Boston. A quick overview or inventory of what the Archdiocese of Boston offers survivors of abuse creates a profile in pastoral care that leads the United States Church, just as the archdiocese led in permitting third-party investigations in the early 2000s. Child Protection While survivors are distinct and diverse in focus and response, we speak in unison wanting assurance that no other child endures any abuse, including sexual abuse, as we did. Based on its audit reports and success rate for children in its care, the archdiocese has implemented a vigorous child protection program as part of a crucial amends to survivors, making reconnecting with the Church a conceivable option. A vigorous child protection program is the groundwork that permits any other pastoral care to be credible—or possible at all. Office of Pastoral Support and Outreach In 2002, Cardinal O’Malley established the Office of Pastoral Support and Outreach (OPSO) to help survivors of clergy abuse. It offers support services for anyone who has been abused by clergy or family members who are struggling with the impact of the crimes of abuse. To date, it has provided/continues to provide support to over one thousand survivors. The Cardinal also is available to meet personally with survivors and their families to express a personal apology and offer in-person care. The inclusion of family members in survivor meetings is important, ensuring that the Church cares for those wounded in a secondary way by the abuse. The ability of family members, without survivors (due to e.g., natural death, suicide, addiction, or alienation), is similarly crucial in caring for all who have been wounded by abuse. Therapeutic Support The lifelong impact of abuse is a hard reality for survivors. Where they may have financial options, the cost of care is usually debilitating for him or her—and for their families. The Archdiocese of Boston offers therapeutic and related health care, including counseling, medicinal, and other services, over $30 million supporting survivors in their effort to function well in their lives. While we are not aware of the specifics, we are comfortable noting that in many cases survivors, without diocesan financial support, cannot afford sufficient therapeutic care, leaving their lives, families, jobs and other spheres of living hobbled throughout life. Third-Party Reporting System In 2019, Cardinal O’Malley announced that a third-party system of reporting allegations of abuse would be implemented to permit reports alleging sexual abuse, which were specifically carried out by cardinals and bishops, to be made outside the normal reporting mechanisms that would pass through the Church. This way the archdiocese seeks to provide victims, in addition to their need to report allegations directly to civil authorities, a process by which canonical reviews may address suitability for office and ministry—something that neither criminal nor civil courts can do alone. This step was taken in advance of any actions, subject to a slower institutional dialogue, taken by the USCCB or the Vatican. Direct Address Cardinal O’Malley also directly addresses the concerns of survivors and family members at key junctures. In doing so, he addresses what most Catholics also share in some way—the hurt of abuse, with its betrayal, and painful memories, and ruptured relationships and trust. For example, when names of more clerics against whom credible claims were made were posted, Cardinal O’Malley published an open letter to survivors of abuse, offering comfort, expressing his concern for them, and assuring survivors of his continued commitment to help them and their families. His letter also revealed the trauma-awareness that should serve as a model in such pastoral letters, and homilies, when he stated, simply, that he understood how publishing names of clergy offenders would cause inevitable painful memories to waken but also might, one would hope, lead towards healing, and even toward repairing the broken trust the victims have in the Church. Leadership Commitment Such a letter would be possible only based on prior actions that have, over time, demonstrated unwavering commitment to the healing of survivors and their families since 2002—and in retrospect even before the cardinal’s arrival in Boston. Leaders taking an unequivocal position on abuse are important for establishing a coherent program of pastoral care. The first stand is that abuse is wrong, in every instance, and is not worthy of mitigating language. This stand places the moral above the legal. The second stand is that what is needed for the Church to heal is a pastor, a leader, a father with a clear moral compass which further ensures survivors, families, and all Catholics that this leader will not choose expedient silence over driving evil from the sanctuary. In Boston, Cardinal Sean O’Malley, OFM Cap, from first arrival in the Archdiocese of Boston (to assume the office of Archbishop (after the departure of Cardinal Bernard Law), was vocal in his commitment to outreach and care for survivors of child sexual abuse by clergy and others with authority in the Church. This timing was at a historic watershed. He arrived shortly after the publication of the Spotlight expose by the Boston Globe. Reforms were about to be ratified and implemented by the United States Conference of Catholic Bishops with its Charter for the Protection of Children and Young People, during its conference in Dallas in 2002. Catholics in general were outraged, but quickly returned, by and large, to complacence. Yet, as the Boston model shows, the archdiocese did not. It continued to grow in its care for survivors and families. Hope Meanwhile, sadly, the seeds for the resurgence of the crisis of abuse had been sown during that same watershed Dallas conference: clerics at the level of bishop and above were removed from those held accountable under the reporting protocols. The Charter …
REPRINTS IN DIOCESAN NEWS

Sharing Survivor Faith is the best way to encourage survivors in your diocese to realize their (often untold) faith stories are a treasure needed by the Church for healing. Survivor contributions to The Healing Voices are plentiful, including reflections on being parents, serving as ministers in their parishes, and experiencing distinct ways their faith was wounded and has healed. A special note of gratitude to our Healing Voices co-founder and Spirit Fire friend Kathy O’Connell one of whose articles was so moving that the Diocese of Fort Wayne – South Bend Indiana has reprinted it in their diocesan newspaper – link here: https://todayscatholic.org/easter-reflections/ Kathy, your authentic voice and faith are reaching many readers. This year we came close to a half-million viewers. What a wonderful gift you’ve given of your own suffering to each. And a special note of thanks to this and other dioceses that republished a Healing Voices article, with credit, in their own papers. Submitted: Teresa Pitt Green
VOICES OF LAY LEADERS

Communicating to fellow Catholics is a critical element in facing the resurgent crisis of abuse. Not without reason, many Catholics distrust communications from their local and national Church leadership. The problem is that, as a result, many Catholics don’t know what really does require radical change, because they don’t know what exists already and warrants regard. Consider the diocesan review board. Catholics know little about the review board process by which allegations of abuse are reviewed. Sometimes they don’t even know there is board of volunteer experts who offer advice and counsel to every U.S. bishop.* It follows that these Catholics remain in the dark about how this review board and its structure reflect a strong progressive (and in the world, unique) line the U.S. bishops have taken. This lack of awareness is unfortunate. It is a somber and daunting role for a Catholic lay person to serve as a member of a diocesan review board, as defined by the Dallas Charter in 2002 to review allegations of abuse by clergy. If not communications in the more standard approach, who can Catholics trust to talk about the review board’s role in their dioceses? Here is a Seed of Hope. The Chair of the Brooklyn Diocesan Review Board recently published a simple explanation of what their review board does and how volunteer experts participate. The New York Daily News did an important service here. By publishing the Chair’s letter, they helped add the voice of first-person experience to the mix. There have been several articles in local news that have questioned the efficacy of review boards, and questions do need to be asked along with efforts made to ensure review boards function as defined. What also matters is that, where review boards do address the gravity of their role well, their members can be heard too. There are any number of ways to give a voice – in ways other than in a large newspaper – to the authentic voices of Catholics involved in this work.** There are ways not to do so, as well. This op-Ed featured here was not a press release or a conference timed to take advantage of some event or crisis. It was not rhetorical, seeking allies in the debates that rage around us. It was descriptive, without any explicit expectation that readers would agree or suddenly should participate in a rally to defend the Church. It was what is needed at a time when the Church as institution is paying the price for decisions about communications made in prior instances which led to prevailing distrust now. What is needed? Voices of the people who are walking the walk and willing to speak on their own terms and in their own way and with their own integrity on the line. Person-to-person communication of this type is not managed, but is respected. The point is do not to suggest that what measures are underway are enough, or even vindicate decision-makers from failing to do more. The point is to give additional information and let the reader decide. These first-person testimonies work because they circumvent the old approaches and focus on ways Catholics, who are walking the walk and who are engaged in isolations and healing ministries, can help others know in direct and personal terms, how, in our shared moral outrage, we don’t need to assume everything is a failure. Catholics are given opportunities to see, first, the truth and, second, seeds of hope. Signed: Teresa Pitt Green * As news accounts highlight, the abuse crisis and subsequent Church responses vary by regional conferences around the globe. Comments here apply to the U.S. conference of bishops only. ** Spirit Fire helps dioceses reach Catholics with accurate information to promote healing on a grassroots level. Send a note for free resources.

Arts & Letters

Abuse and faith, and the effect of faith on wounds of abuse, have been covered in literature and the arts for millennia – as long as humans have been turning to creativity to express a story or a reality in a way that is very close to our Creator, if not the era or society in which they lived.

Child Safety

Protecting children, teens, and vulnerable adults from abuse and its lifelong aftermath is a priority of survivors everywhere. There are programs that work. There are realities it’s important to understand. There are resources.

Church

Reforms, policy and process changes, and implementation to the institutional Church present important insights into what is working, what is not working well, and what remains to be done.

Faith

Christian life and the Catholic faith offer Scripture, history, saints, rituals, traditions that are sometimes healing for those wounded by abuse, even those wounded by abuse within the Church.

Families

Families, also known as the domestic Church, can offer solace and protection for their members by learning ways to develop, discuss, and practice safety plans without creating fearful children or teens. Families also offer an important model for the family of the Church to heal.

Friendship

Friendship in Christ lies at the core of the healing process for individuals, families, parishes, and groups of all kinds. Willing the best for another, willingness to decline from enabling another, are two ways friendship offers rich ground for recovering – person to person, heart to heart.

History

Studying history is the way to ensure history does not repeat itself by resisting silence about abuse in the Church or in society. Studying movements to combat abuse, how they succeeded or failed, offers lessons in recovery as individuals and a community.

Holidays

Holidays can be tough, but they can also be points of new life with new and safe traditions. The choice is available to each person, but the work is arduous. Learning from what others do makes things easier.

Human Trafficking

Protecting children, teens, and vulnerable adults requires greater awareness about the growing and relatively new perils online and in other recruitment schemes to traffic minors, disabled or otherwise vulnerable adults.

Leadership

Leadership required to reform and heal a global Church which includes persons from almost every known culture in all corners of the globe involves wisdom, experience, skills, and vision. Each Church leader is a theologically trained chief executive officer, change agent, and pastoral father.

Healthy Life Skills

Rebuilding a well life is the ultimate role of recovery. Cultivating and maintaining physical, emotional, psychological, financial, and other kinds of personal health and wellbeing require skills. Each survivor adds new life skills as he or she progresses.

Medical Care

The neurophysiological impact of abuse or trauma often continues through life, explaining many symptoms and offering ideas for improved physical and psychological health. Providers are also starting

Mental Health

Nature

Nature can be a second sanctuary for those who have suffered in connection with the setting of faith or family: Nature walks. Natural beauty. Insights gleaned from the Design at work in nature.

Parishes

Parishes need resources and also have stories to tell about a collective wound. They also are the life blood of the Church that needs healing. What matters is how they welcome the wounded.

Pastoral Care

The need to provide pastoral care is the first Article in The Charter for the Protection of Children and Young People. As understanding grows, the need for pastoral care (and formation) for the sake of all survivors, wounded families and parishes grows.

Pets

How pets and all living things can ground each person’s recovery is established by extensive research and personal anecdotes.

Profiles

In stories we offer images of suffering, faith, and healing. Survivors start to heal others even as their own recovery is still beginning – by living out healing in a wounded world. Further still, some move into a formalized way to serve the healing of others.

Recovery

There are many programs for recovery, such as retreats, workshops, approaches in therapy, alternative therapies, self-help and 12 Step programs worth considering for possible benefits for survivors and their family members.

Restorative Justice

Spirit Fire, the publisher of this magazine, ascribes to a restorative justice approach in promoting healing in the Church, where all who are involved have a voice and a role in recovery.

Round Table

Survivors sometimes sit around a metaphorical table and weigh-in on a particular topic or event. Others with similar backgrounds can do the same too.

Seeds of Hope

The Seeds of Hope is a special column of The Healing Voices that features stories about what healing and reconciliation from clergy abuse of children looks like in our Church. With God’s grace, heartfelt healing is not only possible, it is happening each and every day. Edited by Michael D. Hoffman.

Spirituality

Those hurt by people in the Church often recoil from reminders associated with the faith wound, turning to a more diffuse and less cutting spirituality and often finding, with time, many spiritual traditions within and beyond the Church follow similar paths.

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Domestic Violence

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Tag: Crazy Love

Domestic Violence

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The Spirit Fire Global Conference on Abuse and Faith

Communities in Prayer

The Healing Voices

Contact Us

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